Releasing my Poetry!

Hello everyone! Welcome back to my blog! So this weeks post is going to be a little different... I've decided to start sharing my poetry! As a writer, my primary focus is obviously working on my book series but sometimes it's important to step out of your comfort zone and try something new! I absolutely love writing poetry and I've been fiddling around with it for a long time! I will include a few in this post and I might potentially add more later! If poetry isn't your cup of tea, this post might not be for you... but if it is... happy reading!

Note: This poem is my personal experiences with a chronic migraine disorder. It is extremely disabling at times and it's really impacted who I am as a person. This is a very painful topic for me to talk about and as always I am better expressed on paper. 

On Chronic Disorders
 
I used to dance in open fields,
Light, free and chasing my dreams.
I used to offer my shoulder and hand out consolations,
to the souls of our damned generation.
One day I returned to the field to find it open no more,
only to be fenced in and trapped inside,
with nowhere to hide.
I screamed at the sky but it answered in a thunderstorm,
the days of sun and blue skies, I often mourn.
 
I was the prey waiting for the predator to strike,
and it did.
 
It tied me up in chains, inflicting the worst type of pain.
Like Prometheus chained to the wall with vultures pecking at his liver every night,
and like me, Prometheus knew it was futile to fight.
For he was caught in a vicious never-ending cycle of pain,
to suffer again and again, with each day ending the same.
I wonder just how much someone could possibly take,
when they are damned to an eternal fate.
 
Life should be a choice.
 
A choice to stay or a choice to leave,
but does anyone truly know what it is to be free?
Is pains puppet all I really am?
No wonder I never had a chance.
Sometimes I try to break free of this cage,
and escape the fiery depths of my self-destructive rage.
But it’s my own skin and bone,
funny, how this body never feels like home.
As of late, I search for a bright star,
and I see from my grasp, it’s travelled so far.
Sometimes I think about where it possibly went,
especially when my days are stolen, instead of well spent.
Maybe it’s buried in the cemetery inside my mind,
either way, I sit here, digging for the hope I yearn to find.

Note: This is my take on writing a love poem. Sometimes poetry does not have to be based off of personal experience but your perceptions and ideals of love and relationships.

On Love

I want to explore you
I want to run my fingers along the movement of your spine
I want to touch every scar and hear every accompanying story
I want to use my lips and write stories on the canvas of your bare skin
Once our bodies are properly acquainted, I want to find the darkest parts of you
The kind that could stain my hands black
I want to undress you word by word until you've shed every protective layer
I want to explore your soul darling
I want to douse you in gasoline and I do not want to be spared from your blaze
You would burn so very brilliantly
Tonight, the fire in your eyes is too tempting to resist
So fall into my arms and burn
Let me explore you

Note: I decided to write this poem one day after seeing how deeply my good friend was hurt by an unrequited love. This poem isn't necessarily about his experience but it is about my perception of lost love and what it could make me feel. 

On Unrequited Love

 I never understood why you don't call my arms home
I could immortalize you in words
Keep your spirit forever pressed between the pages
I could give you all of me
Your love was toxic and destroyed the walls that kept me a chained prisoner
We could have had the world
But you hold her the same way you held me once
I taught you how to love
I was the one who showed you how to tame wild souls with words
Next time, I won't give my greatest gift to the next man who has the courage to look me dead in the eyes

Note: This poem is personal and I wrote it for a friend who is so dear to me. This person has saved my life in countless ways and it's hard to express deep and profound love sometimes.. but this me trying!

To My Dear Friend

You said that you've seen me broken
You said that you've seen me at my best
​You watched with a weary heart as I shattered one by one
Piece by piece
Until I was just a shadow of the girl you knew
Yet you say even broken I am beautiful  
You always say I'm human
As if being human gives me an excuse to feel this way
I want to let you know
Your the first person I turned to
When I finally gathered all my shattered pieces 
I didn't know what to do with them
I was in ruins and I had nothing left
Yet you took them from me gently
Letting the world roll off my shoulders and on to yours
And you said you could piece me back together
And you did.
 
Note: I've never been in a real relationship to be able to document what it feels like. All I can rely on is observing people in my daily life and listening to people about their past loves. 

Miles and Miles 

You weren’t always like this love
I remember the days where there were no barriers
You were the tide and I was your shore
But over the years
Your eyes went cold and cloudy
Your fingers felt foreign on my skin
And that was when I realized
It was long ago, long before I called you mine
That you put on a disguise and wove it into your skin
You fell so hard into a disguise that you became inseparable from the thing you feared most
These days the disguise won’t budge
I’ve tried peeling and prying it off
But tonight when you sit here in my arms
I see the faintest crack through that armour you locked yourself behind
And I know I can shatter you, shatter you down to the very bone that once made you so beautiful to me
What I never understood
Is why you let yourself fall so hard into a disguise
That you eventually became the very thing you promised you wouldn’t

Note: This poem was originally a challenge for my creative writing class. If any of my readers are still in high school and enjoy writing, I highly recommend taking a class like this if it is offered. It's quite fun! 

Why I Write

Because it makes life bearable
And I’ve never wanted to but needed to
Because the untold story is agony
And the temptation to create is hard to resist
Because if I stopped a part of me stops with it
And my readers would ask where the second book is
Because writing drove me crazy
But in the end it was the only thing that saved me
Because the 9 to 5 white picket fence life is too much for me
And I don’t want to be shoved into the formula
Go to school, get a job, have 2 kids and a dog
Because my characters feel more like my longtime friends than just words
And they’re waiting for me to finish the story
Because between the pages is the only home I’ve ever known
And it lets me escape life’s black and white
From a perfectly engineered generation
Just tell me I’m right
Because it keeps me hanging on
And I have to remember I’m not society’s little pawn
Because I don’t believe in fate but I know this is meant for me
And it’s the only thing I turn to when nothing goes right
Because sometimes I want a break from life’s white noise
And I want to find myself in the words
It’s the only place where I know how to look
Because sometimes it’s the only calm in the storm
And it’s the only quiet in an always-moving world
Because I’m not immortal
But stories are
Because I have a love affair with the written word
Because writing set me free
Because writing keeps me strong
Because I can’t say it any louder
This is why I write.

Note: This poem is very personal to me, it's a poem again referencing my migraine disorder. Writing is often an outlet for me when I feel like I have nothing else to turn to in my life. I know I am not alone in feeling this.

The Only Poem

This is the only thing I know how to do
When things turn bitter and cold
This is the only thing I want to do
When it comes to take me away again
Sometimes it digs its claws too deep
And then it’s a race against time
To outrun the pain and get down another line
This is the only thing I can do
When nothing else goes right
It’s the thing the keeps me going
When there is too much pain, night after night
I once begged religion to save me, screaming out for God
But it remained unanswered
Now I know what really kept me hanging on
A single book for redemption and a single book drew readers in
They ask for more, expect more, and so I kept hanging on
A fight against my own body that’s run 7 years too long
Writing kept me going
Writing kept me strong
It spilled onto the page forming its own kind of song
My song, my story, my only saving grace
My book saved me, my characters saved me
To finish what I started long ago
100 pages deep, I stopped and looked around
And realized what my own words had done
Reeling me back into my life, one by one.

Thats all I'm sharing for now guys! As always thanks for reading the little pieces of me! I would love to read any of your poetry so feel free to send me them through my Contact Me page! Also stay tuned for an update in my Press/Media page... I'm going on a book tour across local schools! Check for where and when I'll be! Can't wait to meet you guys!! 

Until next time!

Alessia Dickson